I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
