He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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