Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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