we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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