Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize