I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
