it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize