And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
