what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You have to summon your inner elephant
Holy sore nipples Batman
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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