I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
