I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
