Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
