There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
