fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize