im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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