UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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