My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
