I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
