just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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