i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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