We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
