Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
When are your genitals available?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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