If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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