Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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