What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There r osticjed everywhere
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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