My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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