I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
