My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
