so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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