He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
