ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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