if you like me you must not know who I am
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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