i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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