i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
