i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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