i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
