I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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