Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
