he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
