i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
