hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
