Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
