I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
