My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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