Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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