Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
