Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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