you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
