mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
