Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
