thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
