I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
