im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
