I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
