just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
