remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
