So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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