If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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