So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
