Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
