So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
