sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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