The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
