I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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