Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
